


things get better

by I_Write_Sans_Not_Tragedies



Series: learn to live [6]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underswap, Betrayal, Confrontations, Depression, Drunkenness, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Underswap Papyrus, Underswap Sans, general sadness, underswap - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 08:15:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7161926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Write_Sans_Not_Tragedies/pseuds/I_Write_Sans_Not_Tragedies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>papyrus hides away his problems from his brother, deciding that being an alcoholic is the better option. he learns that he made a horrible fucking mistake</p>
            </blockquote>





	things get better

**Author's Note:**

> learn to live related, but i guess you could read this and not ltl and still understand it?? idk i'm very self-indulgent lately 
> 
> somebody asked for a little thingy about how papy was as a kid, he's 18 here, i just wanted to write the moment where things changed for him and his bro. yay for healthy skelebros amirite

Sans found him at Muffet’s, like he always did. He hated going in Muffet’s after dark, because it reminded him that it was Papyrus’s favorite place to be.

The younger skeleton watched him for a moment as he slumped over the bar and Muffet glanced at the drunk monster from across the counter. He was eighteen, old enough to buy alcohol, but even before that, it hadn’t stopped him. He’d just went to Hotland to barter with Grillby.

Sans had to take a deep breath. Muffet saw him, and they both knew he was too young to be in here after nine, but she just gave him a frown before going back to cleaning the glasses. It might have been because he’d started crying. It also might have been because this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence.

He hastily wiped the tears away, aware that some of the Guard Dogs were still hanging about, observing him with worry. He heard Papyrus before he made it to the counter.

“Sans- Sans doesn’t get it. He-” Papy hiccuped- “he doesn’t. I wanna keep it that way, y’know? Not his problem ‘m so fucked up.”

Sans had to stop for a moment and suppress the tears. Muffet said absolutely nothing, just looked at him and gave a sad, sad sigh.

“S’not like he’d care, he just likes to yell at me. He just likes… yeah. He yells a lot. Love ‘em ‘n stuff but he just yells… really gets me down, y’know? I know I’m a lazy shit but I-” another hiccup- “I don’t need reminded… ev’ry day.”

Sans stopped. Muffet raised one of her hands, but Papyrus fell onto the countertop and laughed.

“Heh… nyeh… it’s not funny. ‘M really tryin’ but shit’s hard. He deserves a better brother… he… he probably-”

“Papyrus, that’s enough,” Muffet finally broke in, but Sans had already turned away. He couldn’t stand this- he couldn’t stand it and he’d tried to help but he felt the eyes on him and he needed to get out.

He’d almost made it to the door when he heard Muffet say something. He had his hand on the exit when he heard a crash.

“Sans!”

He stopped and tried to wipe his tears away as fast as he could. He heard Papyrus’s stumbling footsteps.

“Sans- h-hey, bro-”

“It’s fine, Papy,” Sans said, but he didn’t turn around. His shoulders were shaking. “Don’t worry about me. I know you want to drink.”

“Nah- nah, Sans, hey-”

“I’ll be at home,” he said. “I don’t want to make you feel bad.”

“Aw, no, that’s- hey, Sans, you don’t make me-”

“Don’t lie to me!” Sans shouted. He turned and Papy froze like a deer caught in headlights. Sans curled his fists, well aware of his tears.

“S...Sans-”

“I heard you!” he shouted, and he knew everybody in the bar could hear him, but he’d had _enough_ . “I heard you, and you’re right! All I do is yell and- and I _don’t_ understand!”

“Sans I didn’t mean it-”

Sans kept going, right out into the snow. He was crying, sobbing, even, and he just wanted to curl up on the couch and sleep. He never imagined his life would be like this. He was sixteen and he was miserable.

“No- Sans-”

“I’ve tried everything!” he exploded once Papyrus had drunkenly chased him out of the building, leaving the door hanging wide open in his wake. “You don’t _talk_ to me! You leave and you don’t come home and you- you- how am I supposed to know what’s wrong when you don’t even care to talk to your own brother!”

Papyrus stared at him. He blinked, even as Sans started to sob.

“I don’t know what I did! You used to watch TV with me, and read to me, a-and I know we’re getting older but I-” he had to stop to suck in a few breaths. “I-I still need you- a-and maybe you don’t need me, and maybe I’m annoying and I yell and you hate me, but I- I-” he broke off when the sobs overtook his words. He didn’t know what to do anymore. It hurt so much.

“Oh… oh my god, Sans,” Papyrus said slowly. His eyes were dark as he put a hand to his face. “I’m… I’m sorry…”

Sans was bawling. His rib cage shook with breaths, but he didn’t have the strength to go home. It’d been years- years of his brother going out and drinking and smoking and leaving him alone- and he didn’t know what to do. He fell on his knees.

“I don’t know why you hate me,” he whimpered as he hugged himself. “I don’t know what I did-”

“Fuck- fuck, no, Sans, I don’t hate you- I don’t hate you at all-” Papyrus said as he wobbled over.

“Th-then- why do you leave?” Sans whined. He was pathetic, and he knew that. “You leave and you drink and you- you don’t come back- is it because I’m- I’m-”

“I fucked up- Sans, I fucked up, this isn’t your fault,” he said as he made it to his brother, kneeling in the snow, and fell down beside him. He grabbed Sans’s hands, and the taller skeleton looked down into the sad face below. Big, blue tears were running down his cheekbones, but Sans wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Sans- Sans, please look at me,” Papyrus pleaded. “It isn’t your fault.”

“It- it feels like it’s my fault,” he whimpered. “If I was a good brother you- you wouldn’t need to drink… I don’t mean to yell, I’m s-sorry-”

“God- Sans- Sans this isn’t your fault- none of this is your fault- it’s me.”

Sans’s eyes met his, and Papyrus felt tears well in his own. Sans was still crying.

“I love you, Sans, I love you so fuckin’ much- you’re the best little brother a guy could ever fucking want- I… I’m the one who keeps fucking up.”

“I don’t understand,” he muttered. He let Papyrus reach up and wipe his tears away, but the contact made something snap and he threw himself on his older brother and began to sob with renewed vigor.

“Shh… shh, I’ve got you. I could never hate you- God, Sans, I don’t hate you. I… I know it’s hard… living with me- and- I know you probably don’t like me-”

“I love you,” he choked out. “I love you so much it _hurts_. I-I don’t know how to help- you don’t let me in-”

“I know- Sans- I know. It’s… I thought it’d be better that way,” he said softly, rubbing his brother’s back. He stared blankly at the snow, still drunk, but so fucking sad and guilty. There was a dark, awful feeling in his bones, like sludge. He was so _selfish._ He’d made Sans feel like it was his fault.

“Please… p-please, Papy, if something’s wrong… I-I can’t do this anymore… I want you to trust me…”

“I do- Sans, I trust you with my life. I’m… I’m sorry.”

It was cold out. A few of the people who’d been in the bar were standing in the doorway, but they dispersed. The soft orange light was comforting. The night air felt even colder where their tears had fallen.

Sans was the first to stir, but he didn’t let go of his brother.  
“I know that… you don’t like to talk about the bad things,” Sans began softly, sadly. “But- but if you aren’t well, we can’t pretend it’s okay…”

“I know. I know, I just… it’s hard. It’s so fuckin’ hard sometimes.”

Sans hugged him tighter.

They went home that night, and they talked. Sans cried when he saw his brother’s femurs, and the wounds he’d left on them, but he hugged his brother and told him it was okay. It felt like the weight of an ocean had been lifted off of the older monster’s shoulders. It all came out after that, drinking to forget how awful he was, and how much it hurt sometimes, and how he hated himself so fucking much. All of the things Papyrus had told himself Sans would say if he found out- all of his fears- they were all stupid. Sans didn’t hate him, and he wasn’t ashamed, and he didn’t want Papyrus to leave.

It was a process, and it took so much longer than Sans wanted it to, but things got better. Papyrus stopped cutting. He drank sometimes, but he always told Sans when he did, and never too much. He didn’t stumble home at three in the morning after blacking out at Muffet’s. When he woke up from nightmares that shook him to his core, he didn’t hide away and rock himself. He went to Sans, and Sans made him sleep in his bed, and told him that it would keep the nightmares away. It did. Eventually he stopped having them.

On the days he couldn’t drag himself out of bed, Sans was there. When he felt low enough to hurt himself, he learned to talk to people. On the rare days where he broke down and chipped, Sans never yelled.

It took years, but he learned to live.


End file.
